He passed away 22 years ago, yet his memory still lingers on. That is because my father left an indelible mark on my life, although it took a while for me to realize just how profound it was.
Things come up all the time that make me think of him -- things like being bombarded with promotional material for Father’s Day gifts, for example. But mostly, I think of him when I need to resort to his teachings and examples while making important decisions or when I am dealing with parenting issues.
I often dig into that deep well of information that both of my parents left behind. I wonder what they would have done if confronted with a situation similar to what I’m facing. The interesting thing is that two different sets of images come up with the answer: my father’s formality and disciplinarian response, and my mother’s pragmatism and heartfelt advice.
Someone asked me the other day why I wrote a book (“I Am My Father’s Daughter: Living a Life Without Secrets”) that revolved around my father’s life when, in the story itself, it is clear that my mother had a stronger influence in my life. I guess it’s because my mother was such a natural part of my everyday living. In fact, many of the values I hold near and dear to my heart, I learned from her. She was kind, loving, giving and nurturing. She had both strength and compassion, had a strong work ethic and was the glue that kept the extended family together.
My father, on the other hand, was such a complex and mysterious figure that it took a lot of soul-searching and fact-finding to really get to know him. Yet the more I found out about him, the more I learned about myself, and the better I understood my upbringing.
Shortly after my father died, I discovered, through documents found in a box kept stashed away by a friend of his, that he had been a Catholic priest. The news sent me into a frenzy that led me to a journalistic investigation of his past, my past. Among other things, I felt a need to know the circumstances under which he’d left the church, and why he would keep such an important part of his life a secret.
Through my fact-finding mission, I discovered many things about his background and his upbringing in a strictly conservative well-to-do family in Mexico. I discovered the challenges he faced after arriving in the United States with my mother in the early 1940s. I found out fascinating details about his struggle with issues pertaining to his immigration status. I learned, through letters he left behind and from conversations with his long-lost family, about his ideals and his philosophy on life, which helped me understand and empathize with many of the life-
altering decisions he’d made throughout the years.
My father was an intellectual, a man of distinction, with a solid social conscience and strong convictions. But in spite of his intellect, he was never successful in business. His goals in life were to help others, support his family and provide a solid, moral education for his three daughters. I learned through my father’s example that you have to live your life with dignity no matter what challenges you face. “Decency, above all things,” he would always say. His teachings, I later realized, put me on the path I am on today both personally and professionally.
We often take for granted the lifelong lessons that our parents teach us. It’s not like they sit and plan out how they are going to raise their children. Everyone knows that babies don’t come with an instruction manual to make sure everything works. Parents are, in fact, just living their life, trying to do the best they can to raise their kids, hoping they will grow up to be decent, well-adjusted, productive human beings, and very often making sacrifices along the way. On this Father’s Day, I just hope that I lived up to my father’s expectations. I know he certainly lived up to mine.

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(Maria Elena Salinas is the author of “I AM MY FATHER’S DAUGHTER: LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT SECRETS.” Reach her at www
.mariaesalinas.com)
© 2007 by Maria Elena Salinas
Distributed by King Features Syndicate